Vanakkam. En
Peru Mowgli, enakku innoru peru irukku, student no.1
Everyone
should have seen the movie, 3 idiots, in hindhi, or the same movie as nanban,
in tamizh. Everyone would have enjoyed one character in that movie, Chatur or
Srivatsan. I have not been completely like him, but was working towards become
him, the student no.1.
I have been
the class leader for most of the days in my school, except when there were
richer and bright kids in class. I have also been school pupil leader, then
representative in college, secretary of the department. I have been the
favourite student to most of the staffs. All together I grew up as a very good
boy, ready to become the adult that this society really needed. That is what I
thought I would become.
I remember
how I used to attend school. Out of the 14 years in school I guess I hardly
took 5 days of leaves. I had 100% attendance for nearly 11 years. During my 8th
standard, my Mother’s last sister got married. I attended the marriage and
insisted about going to school that day, though every single person there
wanted me to bunk the classes.
I got into
the school van that morning and in one of the sharp turning the van door
opened, I was sitting next to the door leaning on it and yes, I fell down from
the running van. I had some scratches, tore my pant and knees. The driver
wanted to drop me back before going to school with others. I denied it flatly
and went to school that day, the next day and that whole week, though I had so
much pain. I was that sincere student!
I was a good
and sincerely obeying boy, no doubt. That does not mean I am a genius, a person
with his own ideas, with his own character, with his own though process. All I had
was altered, efficient ideas. With all the old things that I got to know, I gave
it an efficient dimension, that need not be refreshing or good looking but it
was efficient. Mathematics was so interesting to me, so calculations and
getting things done with the given constraints was fun to me. I remember always
being interested in numbers; I would be able to solve any given problem, I believed
in it strongly, till date. I can’t have a peaceful sleep without getting the
solution to a problem that is in my head.
This analytical brain was not sufficient to get good marks in public exam, though they needed
presentation and good looking handwriting. Now this is true even in my
day-to-day life – package, it is very important. Have you read fountain head? If
you have then you should know the lead character, who is an architect. He can’t
unnecessarily add anything to his design. He saw the necessity of the building
giving the building its own beauty. The same with me, but I am not so strong
souled or strong worded to oppose anyone and do what I wanted. I compromised to
have at least half of what I want to get done. That would result in what the
climax of that book is, a utterly stupid complex of buildings.
When I get
to know it I am trying to bomb it all as he did. It is not easy for a good boy
like me to move from the one side of the radar to other, from being an obedient
boy to a man who wants to do what he thinks is ethically and socially right.
I still stood
for it, because that is the way to live. You can have thousands of way to live.
Everyone around you would adapt to that and not question. Just because all are
doing something will not make it a right thing and you need not do that against
your will. Everyone knows what they do, it is just they hide from their own
self and keep doing what others do, following a crowd is always easy than
standing alone and not knowing what is going to happen.
I chose the
second path, I have fears, I am actually a shit scared person, that does not
mean am going to back off from what is right. Just to get the good sincere boy
name, I can’t lose my own self; instead I want to be a man of his choice and
his own destiny and live to see it come true one day.
The journey
is hard, very hard and I get depressed a lot. Have you seen the movie ‘Good
Willing hunting’, the lead character will be a genius in maths, but he would
want to do something that is interesting. The professor would try to make him a
maths genius, but he would follow his heart. Such geniuses have strong soul and
mind, because they know they are good at something. If you are good in one
thing then you can easily be master of anything you want.
As I told,
am no genius, I am the middle class. I don’t have awesome skills nor am not
that fool to be not able to think anything, I am the sandwiched population. I can’t
go lower than what I am able to do, like the job am doing now, that would kill
my self-respect and always keep questioning me. At the same time, I can’t
become an overnight genius and be the cream layer, I will been seen down and
there also I will get no respect. This is my area, I know there are many like
me out there. This world population is majorly a middle class, both financially
and mentally. We belong to nowhere and we are the target crowd for anything.
I have found
what I am, what I can and more importantly what I can’t. Now, I will play in my
area, do things that I am strong at and would be a person who can feel
happiness in every breathe. This sounds too dramatic, right? Still, truth when
you face practically is going to be harsh, and I am happy to go with the truth
than create a false hope and disappoint myself at the end.
PS. I daily
think to write, but I have not really made it. I know what all to write, still I
end up not able to write. Anyways, hopefully I don’t keep the gap so long,
instead have the story flowing.
my FB page
Look for
more Dejavu’s….
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