Sunday, August 24, 2014

Student no.1

Vanakkam. En Peru Mowgli, enakku innoru peru irukku, student no.1

Everyone should have seen the movie, 3 idiots, in hindhi, or the same movie as nanban, in tamizh. Everyone would have enjoyed one character in that movie, Chatur or Srivatsan. I have not been completely like him, but was working towards become him, the student no.1.
I have been the class leader for most of the days in my school, except when there were richer and bright kids in class. I have also been school pupil leader, then representative in college, secretary of the department. I have been the favourite student to most of the staffs. All together I grew up as a very good boy, ready to become the adult that this society really needed. That is what I thought I would become.
I remember how I used to attend school. Out of the 14 years in school I guess I hardly took 5 days of leaves. I had 100% attendance for nearly 11 years. During my 8th standard, my Mother’s last sister got married. I attended the marriage and insisted about going to school that day, though every single person there wanted me to bunk the classes.
I got into the school van that morning and in one of the sharp turning the van door opened, I was sitting next to the door leaning on it and yes, I fell down from the running van. I had some scratches, tore my pant and knees. The driver wanted to drop me back before going to school with others. I denied it flatly and went to school that day, the next day and that whole week, though I had so much pain. I was that sincere student!
I was a good and sincerely obeying boy, no doubt. That does not mean I am a genius, a person with his own ideas, with his own character, with his own though process. All I had was altered, efficient ideas. With all the old things that I got to know, I gave it an efficient dimension, that need not be refreshing or good looking but it was efficient. Mathematics was so interesting to me, so calculations and getting things done with the given constraints was fun to me. I remember always being interested in numbers; I would be able to solve any given problem, I believed in it strongly, till date. I can’t have a peaceful sleep without getting the solution to a problem that is in my head.
This analytical brain was not sufficient to get good marks in public exam, though they needed presentation and good looking handwriting. Now this is true even in my day-to-day life – package, it is very important. Have you read fountain head? If you have then you should know the lead character, who is an architect. He can’t unnecessarily add anything to his design. He saw the necessity of the building giving the building its own beauty. The same with me, but I am not so strong souled or strong worded to oppose anyone and do what I wanted. I compromised to have at least half of what I want to get done. That would result in what the climax of that book is, a utterly stupid complex of buildings.
When I get to know it I am trying to bomb it all as he did. It is not easy for a good boy like me to move from the one side of the radar to other, from being an obedient boy to a man who wants to do what he thinks is ethically and socially right.
I still stood for it, because that is the way to live. You can have thousands of way to live. Everyone around you would adapt to that and not question. Just because all are doing something will not make it a right thing and you need not do that against your will. Everyone knows what they do, it is just they hide from their own self and keep doing what others do, following a crowd is always easy than standing alone and not knowing what is going to happen.
I chose the second path, I have fears, I am actually a shit scared person, that does not mean am going to back off from what is right. Just to get the good sincere boy name, I can’t lose my own self; instead I want to be a man of his choice and his own destiny and live to see it come true one day.
The journey is hard, very hard and I get depressed a lot. Have you seen the movie ‘Good Willing hunting’, the lead character will be a genius in maths, but he would want to do something that is interesting. The professor would try to make him a maths genius, but he would follow his heart. Such geniuses have strong soul and mind, because they know they are good at something. If you are good in one thing then you can easily be master of anything you want.
As I told, am no genius, I am the middle class. I don’t have awesome skills nor am not that fool to be not able to think anything, I am the sandwiched population. I can’t go lower than what I am able to do, like the job am doing now, that would kill my self-respect and always keep questioning me. At the same time, I can’t become an overnight genius and be the cream layer, I will been seen down and there also I will get no respect. This is my area, I know there are many like me out there. This world population is majorly a middle class, both financially and mentally. We belong to nowhere and we are the target crowd for anything.
I have found what I am, what I can and more importantly what I can’t. Now, I will play in my area, do things that I am strong at and would be a person who can feel happiness in every breathe. This sounds too dramatic, right? Still, truth when you face practically is going to be harsh, and I am happy to go with the truth than create a false hope and disappoint myself at the end.

PS. I daily think to write, but I have not really made it. I know what all to write, still I end up not able to write. Anyways, hopefully I don’t keep the gap so long, instead have the story flowing.

Look for more Dejavu’s….

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